i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
