Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
