I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
