Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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