she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
