Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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