i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i came on her dog
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
