a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
