she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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