this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
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Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
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I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize