So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
