I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
