My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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