I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
