Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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