I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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