The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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