ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
