Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
