it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
My liver just broke up with me...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
