Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
