Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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