just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
