I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
