No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize