how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
