Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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