when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
