So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
