we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
