Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize