Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Welp...herpes.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
