My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
