I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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