It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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