I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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