Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
