honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You were trust falling into bushes
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
