I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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