my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
