Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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