Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
