im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
