Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
