I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
