My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
