hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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