Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
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Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
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I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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