theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
