i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
