he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You can't just leave with hair like that
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
