just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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