from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
