Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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