I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
