threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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