Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
