So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
