Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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