My Higher Power is John Stamos
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
