i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
