I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I understand Curling. That high.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
