i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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