I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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