I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
babies were throwing up all over the place
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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