when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
