gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
