I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
