Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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