her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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