Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
