She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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