So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Randomize
