Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
