it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
