lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
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