some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
