yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
she peed on how many people?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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