It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
