I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
