Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
