After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
