Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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