You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
