dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize