you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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